10:41 PM Today must the saddest day of my life. I have never felt so sad before. Tears seem to flow and cant stop. I'm not that optistism afterall. I just cant describe that sadness in me with words. Feel like just bashing someone hard on their faces. Sadly, I know a worst mother ever.

Have you ever seen a mother who selffishly refuse to help her own daughter to apply the medicine on the back where the whole families are guys? Have you? I doubt you have. I believe I got a worse mum ever. THE WORST MUM IN THE WORLD. I really hate my mum seriously. I swear I'll never want to talk to her again.

She know that I'm worried about my rashes cos it spreads all over my back and alittle of face. I dunno why. I got those rashes after eating pepperlunch. She knows when I'm worried, I will tend to raise my voice and my voice is orginally loud. Everyone know okay? and is like inherited from her? duhhh. She say i shouted at her and refused to listen to her. She is like "who ask you go out play play play? then come home expected me to clean up the mess you made?" and is like she keep talking about what boyfriends and stuff? Hello, I dun have boyfriend then she out there kpkb me. Is like I have feeling and emotion and Iwill got pissed off right? She always refused to listen to me too and she expect me to listen to her. Damned! She always like that, think that everything she THINK OR THOUGHT is right? So she refused to apply medicine on my back. I never beg her. Please. I rather die than begging her. So my dad offered to help me to apply on my back. But I'm not comfortable with it afterall he's a guy. So she say "arent you not shameless?" fcuk. Did I say I wanted my dad to help me? So I did it myself. She is like that, acted like boss or whatever shit. Then my dad lectured her " who's the master of the house?" and know what she said " so? you're always siding her and hang up and bully me" =.= Everytime I cried, they say I use tears to win. Have they ever think, crying can be tiring too? Crying need energy too. I really feel breatheless and tired. Tears seems to flow and I tell myself " mandy, be strong" but I cant. I really cherish my family but I felt I 'm not cherish at all. The night seem hard with no one to talk to. My voice turns out weird after crying plus I got a really hard sorethroats. I look at myself at the mirror. I really felt pathetic. No one in this families understand at all, c'mon. Then they say I always go out and stuffs. please! GODDAMN ASS! They never think for me, consider my feeling. I hate living in that house. The house in other word is just a place for me to sleep. Staying in that place is really tiring. That's why I went out and came home late. I know that it is a cowardly way, escape. But what can I do? That's why I dont share secrets with them, I always keep it myself or shared it with friends. I really admire some of my other friends, where they are super good term with their parents and their parents understand them. Taking a look at mine, I really pity myself.

Label: The mandy used to be is gone.