ARGH! I'm not in mood to blog about school today. Just now went emo. And emo is bad. I cried, tears seem to flow as and when they liked. And seriously, I hate it.

I hate the fragile side of me.

I hate being emo.

I hate crying the most.

OMG, where's the happy mandy?

I used to be positive. I used to think that i'm strong. But no, i'm not. Thinking about what TH siad to me today. I had this heart to hearts talk session with him at Junction8 KFC. Lame, we went there after school cos we got nowhere to go. =.= He said that I'm childish and immature which is not suitable for stead. He told me how he think for me. He said I'm too open minded like a guy. He said that I ought to be more conservative. He went on and elaborate about me and my ex. And that made me really sick of myself.

Fyi honestly, i only got 3 ex. Me myself know better than you. My god, it really made me feel horrible. I feel so loose man, the problem is NOT about TH. Is about me. What he said doesnt matter, is what i feel about myself. I mean I can just listen and forget, but i cant. I chose to take in his advices and comments. His words bring me to think and reflect more about myself. I really started to look down on myself, desprite myself and starting to lose my self-esteem. The feeling is so horrible to the extent that breaks me down and I cried real badly. I dont even know how to comfort myself.

In the past,

when I'm crying over my poor grade, I'll tell myself

" Next test is never gonna be like that."

When I cried about family issue,

I'll recalled those happy things done with them.

when I cried about friendship,

I'll tell myself " they care about me, that's why."

But this time round, I dont know HOW to comfort and pick myself up. I'm lost, never felt so lost before. It's scary, as there is no one to guide you along that darkness, No rays of light can be seen, even dim light. Imagine. Lastly, I never blame TH for that, he's my friend and i believed he never wanna hurt me intentionally.

I got to pick myself up eventually. Thank, people who cared. Thank for those kind and encouraging words. :D

talk to me here